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Hey, we all have bike lust. I’ve been know to drool on a very sexy top end Colnago, Cervelo, Pinarello or anything along those lines. There is a line that all cyclist don’t go beyond, and that it to keep your pants on. Apparently one cyclist just needed to show his bike the ultimate affection. No he did not upgrade any special components or clean it with a gentle cleanser or give it a tune up. He literally made love to his bike. Now people, bikes are expensive today, but please save some cash to spend on a real date. Also, I did not know it was illegal to have sex with a bike. Did the bike want to press charges after being abused? I won’t go into any jokes about what type of lube was used…sorry…

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: “They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

“They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

“The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”

Both cleaners, who were “extremely shocked”, told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: “In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a ‘cycle-sexualist’.”

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

BBC News: Bike sex man placed on probation